Thursday, March 15, 2007

A monster in a prison

I put my heart in prison
convicted for his short vision
Spending years in his cage
his frustration turns into rage
Start acting strange
He's hitting his head into the walls
He screams and yells until he falls
But..someday... somehow
He started to smile
He stopped screaming for a while
He wiped the tears from his eyes
He felt happy every sunrise
Because he had a belief
That you own the way of his relief
That you have the key
to uncoff him and make him FREE !!

1 comment:

AntiBarbie said...

Hello there! Thanks for directing me to your poetry section. "A monster in Prison" was my favorite of your poems. I enjoyed the visuals of this poem immensely. I do however, have a suggestion for you.

Like any type of critique, take only what is useful to you and leave the rest. I am no expert after all, and even if I were, it really boils down to what you like and want to present.

When I first started out I did the same thing, capitalizing every line and used no punctuation. I thought that everyone would just know when to pause and such. I found that while it was obvious to me, other people aren't always so with it.

Some of them viewed my poem as a giant run on sentence. So that is my suggestion, to use punctuation in your poems.

I hope that's helpful to you! Have a fabulous Monday (if such a thing exists)!